A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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