This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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