Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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