yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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