smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
