so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
