Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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