He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
