sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
