take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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