my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
