You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
