I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
