We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
