She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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