Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
