Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
