I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
