i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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