I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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