he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
