My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
