last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My balls are so social today.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize