Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
