Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
