do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
