So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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