New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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