i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
