the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
