After last night, I could never be a politician.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
