I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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