I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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