I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I hate all girls vehemently.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
