Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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