youre lurking in front of me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
