I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
