he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
