would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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