just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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