what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
