I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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