It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
