he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
