Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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