Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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