Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
