we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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