I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
