I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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