So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
