So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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