and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
