yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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