goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
false alarm. still invincible.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
