I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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