I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
