Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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