Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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