i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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