I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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