We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
