saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
