Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
