I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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