I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize