His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
