you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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