Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
