You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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