remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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