so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
