hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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