The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
