I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
