two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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