my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
