I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
