Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
