How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
