I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
