First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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