brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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