im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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