Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
