okay pat passed out under dana's car
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
tell me about the eggs
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