i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I am one with the molecules
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
