I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
