the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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