sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
