So many bounce houses so little time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
