I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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