I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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