the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
