I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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