if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
