the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
