I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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