i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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