Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
