it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
