I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
