like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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