Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
