im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
