i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
These tits shall not be calmed
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