The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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