She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
