so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
