Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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