Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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