Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
