not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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