Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
