I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
