Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
